The NAFL Underground

By Writer “X”, NAFLustrated

 

Welcome to the NAFL Underground.

 

We all know the football stuff going on in the league.  Stats, hot teams, cellar dwellers, star players….blah blah blah.  But what about the OTHER NAFL?  What about the personalities in the league?  What about quirky and sometimes strange habits of some of the leagues players?

 

Well fans of the odd news….your calls have been answered.  The NAFL Underground will concentrate on the “other” news from around the league.  Some of the stuff we’ll be reporting on may not be pretty….so we’re considering hiring some bodyguards.  We won’t pull any punches around here either.  Two NAFL players caught snuggling after the game?  You’ll hear it here first.  A GM caught with his “hand in the cookie jar?”  You guessed it….the Underground will bring it to the light!

 

So sit back, enjoy, or get riled up.  It is your choice!  Welcome to the underground.

 

Yeah, but does he have Barbie as well??

 

#93 Richard Seymour of the World Champion New England Patriots

is one of the most feared defensive tackles around the league.  An

all-NAFL defensive lineman, and a key component of back-to-back

World Championship teams would suggest that he chews barbed

wire and spits bullets.  Throw in porcelain Chinese doll collecting

and you’ve got the complete package for a NAFL field serial killer.

 

Wait, did you say PORCELAIN CHINESE DOLLS?

 

Yep, that is right.  Exclusive info obtained from an anonymous source

(*cough* TE Randy McMichael of the Dolphins and former Georgia

roommate *cough*) has revealed Seymour’s penchant for pretty little frilly dolls with Asian flair!  Apparently, this little endeavor started in college and has grown to gigantic proportions.  Per the “National Registry of Porcelain Collectors”, Mr. Seymour has the second largest collection of these little pretties in the United States (second only to Mrs. Ling Chang of Walla Walla, Washington).

 

When reached for comment, Seymour could only say, “Hey man….after a rough game in the trenches and tearing peoples’ heads off….my gals (the dolls) help me relax.  With their beautiful smiles and gorgeous hand painted features…who wouldn’t enjoy them.”

 

Um, yeah Richard.  We’ll keep that in mind after a tough week.

 

Define Sexy?

 

At a recent pageant at the Willimark Old Folks home, in Los Angeles, California, Buffalo Bills QB Clinton Huffman was named the “NAFL’s Sexiest Man.”  In a competition (sponsored by Depends Undergarments) held Wednesday of last week, the 5’11”, 221 lb stud wowed the audience in the three phases of the pageant (swimsuit, football uniform, and body hair) and received unanimous votes for the honor.

 

“He was just so cute wigging his little rump around on stage in his uniform,” gushed Gladys McGillicudy, Chief Judge and long time resident of the care home.  “I only wish my daughter Hazel was here to see him.  But she’s a Cowboys fan, and I’ve since disowned her!”

 

Huffman was not available for comment as he was quickly whisked away following his crowning as a surge of silver haired beauties rushed the stage.

 

This year’s runner up?  Offensive Lineman B.J. Stewart of the Baltimore Ravens.  Stewart reportedly was in the running to the last, but fell down in the “body hair” competition.

 

Controversy also was abound this year as Kansas City Kicker Bill Gramatica was disqualified for using socks in his shorts to “enhance” his look.

 

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“After a rough game in the trenches and tearing peoples’ heads off...my gals help me relax”